A Brighter Day

Dear Blog Readers,

Today is a bright sun shiny day and I well enjoy it.

I got groceries last night , which always help the spirit flow easier.

I deserve to be happy , joy and safety.

I am deserving of friends and family who treat me kindly.

This is a a warm day of summer. May nearly.  And when the thunders clouds

break and the heavens pour out. I well sing in glory.

This is the day that God has made and I am grateful.

God well always provide for all my needs, I need not worry.

All has been set well in heaven. My enemies defeated and

Jesus coming back. And the saints and angels about to sing

hallelujah !

I well rejoice and be glad in it !

AMEN 🙂

healing from the past.

Dear Blog Readers,

Once I am told I am loser 1000 times it begins to sink in.

That is why I feel so bad about myself and wish for better circumstances.

I well reaffirm my worth with statements

By the way  it  was and is my sister Karlee who abused me my whole life.

Constant negative emotional attack , physical attack and undermining,

people think she is a Queen , because she works , has a boyfriend and

a car. She is a demon in disguise. why don’t you ask her friends how she

treats them. Why not ask me?

she stabbed me with a knife when we were 12, and strangled me for watching tv

in her room. I tell my therapist this , and I am not sure she believes me .

Or thinks I made this up.

So I go to hub today. I lose my keys in my apartment and that sets me off.

and when I go to hub I start screaming I am homeless , I am starving.

then don’t pick up my grocery gift card.

No groceries for me this week.

Not only was I abused by Karlee , I was emotional abused by my own mom.

and physically abused.

My whole childhood was a nightmare, and I know that is in the past ,

and yet it haunts my present.

It well take my whole life to get over this .

I had a lucky break and a lady at the food court recognized that I had been abused in the past

and have a mental illness.

She said something that surprised me. ” don’t use your illness as an excuse , you are still

a human being who can get through life.”

Focus on something good. Forget about those people who abused you.

They are gone , they can no longer hurt me anymore.

I am safe , I am feed , I am happy.

I am safe , I am feed , I am happy,

I am safe , I am feed , I am happy.

i am deserving of love , care and attention.

i am deserving of love , care and attention.

I am deserving of love , care and attention.

I well not be hurt again by abusive people, I well love myself and bring myself up to be happy.

the best way to get this out is to write it out. and post this on a blog.

the sad part is that most people who have not gone through this themselves,

well not stop to listen , or even if they do ,they do not have a grasp of how this makes me feel.

and I realize that this well haunt me , until I can forgive all those people who ever hurt me and

abused me. i am at the starting point and well get there in a few years .

i forgive you Karlee , I hope you get help for all your emotional and mental problems.

I forgive you Mom, I know you are a better person now , who doesn’t abuse me anymore.

I forgive you Dad , you get angry sometimes and be cruel to me , but I forgive you anyway

and hope you can get help.

I hope I can make more friends , but whatever the case , this abuse has messed me up in the head

for a while to come. at least as I write this down however I can get some peace and calmness.

Knowing that Jesus heals all and brings all to their knees and well repent of their sins.

Jesus please bring me to my knees and let me cry in your arms. because no one else well

let me get close to them.

heal my mind and body from abuse.

let me love myself. find new friends who support me.

and stay away from people who would only hurt me.

From slowing starting to recover Melody McEwen

Dear Blog Readers

This is good , and yet dreadful at the same time too.

I have grown apart from family. I can’t remember if i have

been living alone for 2 or 3 years now.

just because you can shove us together in a room together ,

doesn’t mean we are “close”. we have drifted together into

our own microworlds and started living separate lives from each

other.

I can only rely on myself. everyone else is a stranger to me.

I am sure was an alien in a former life , because that is how

I feel alienated and shunned by society. there is no group I

belong with. I am the only one who is beginning to see the

world as it truly is. cold and mean.
I would like to go to Tribune to see grandma Moritz tombstone,

and I struggle with this because , I would have to at least drive from

Regina to get there.

And I really struggle to drive. And yet this means so much to me.

what I really want is for all the grandparents who have passed away to

come visit me. I know
this violates the law of physics and matter and probably God.

yet I feel I deserve at least that.
Then I call Hope to tell her I would like to meet up and talk about grandma

and she says nothing.

Norma understands . If I could just meet her on the phone and talk to her at

Tim Hortins.

Wishing I was a creature that could magically transport myself where ever

I wanted to go. That would be so fun! a warlock of sorts.

who could open up portals and save the world from danger.

ha ha been reading too many cassandra clare books.

the next one is coming out in 25 days.
Missing you so much Grandma Moritz , Grandma McEwen,

Grandpa Moritz , Grandpa McEwen , Grandpa Breitkreutz.

You mean the world of me , and I think of you

everyday.

So I am going to take car driving lessons , until I can drive well enough

to drive from Regina to Tribune.

and my eyes well tear up so bad , i won’t be able to see anything.

I am my own superhero , and I well have to save myself from the burning

bush and radioactive spiders.

I well get myself through this. and when I wake up one morning beside

Grandma Moritz in heaven . I well know I was the only sane person left

on earth who remembered her and cared.

so I well reopen her guest book online and pray to all the gods that someone

leaves a comment there.

From the only sane person left in the world
Melody McEwen